"I'm in a band", he states as he brushes his comb over to the side

A  series of Haiku's and poems taken from the words of the one and only... Mark Maddis.

The Band.
I'm ina band.  Sweet right?
My hair is beyond repair.
Who cares.  I'm ina band.

DOA.
I know we suck musically.
We got our band mentioned worldwide.
But yeah, we still suck.

Hair.
It was there before.
But not anymore that I see.
Its just not for me.

Women.
I don't care for them.
Oh how they fall before me.
I'm a guitarist.

Pabst Blue Ribbon.
Its cheap beer to drink.
It hurts to pee when I wake.
I often blow chunks.

Age.
Yeah I look fourty.
I'm only twenty-four years old.
Who cares what you think.

POEMS

Fuck You Rue Morgue
You know, I don't care what you people say,
From my opinion, Under A Nightmare is okay.
Its not just okay, its the best band by all standards,
You fucks at Rue Morgue are all retards.

Here's to Judas Maccabeus, boy if he could only see us

Currently, I've lost mein pants. Stangely enough they were removed from mein legs when I down for mein bi-weekly nap. I checked around mein house und couldn't find any sign of intrusion.  Clearly no one came in.  Where did mein pants go?  The last thing a recall was Wilford Brimley lecturing me about the benefits of Liberty Medical whilst slobbering into mein bowl of Quaker Oatmeal.  While all that was going on, in the corner of mein eye there was a midget dancing by himself in the corner if the kitchen.  I remember saying, 'Wilford?  Do you need to abuse me in such way?'  He proceeded to bitchslap me like I was Tina Turner und he was Ike.

Then Francisco Franco stormed in brandishing a rolling pin und proceeded to grab Wilford Brimley by the ear und drag him out of mein haus hitting him on the head which just left me und the midget... alone.  Damn that midget was creepy.  He just kept dancing und staring at me.  Then all of a sudden I didn't feel creeped out that bad.  Because it had struck mein mind that I was someone he could look up to. 

All of a sudden I heard a comotion outside the window.  I checked und I saw Jesus giving directions to a young couple on a Sunday drive.  I did a very nice painting of what it.  I think I might sell it.

Til again.

World Peace at the push of a button

As a very young man growing up in Berlin during World War II, all I wanted was world peace. We Germans were subjected to Nazi propaganda und ideas that we were the mightiest country in the world. Most of the German people knew towards the end of the war that Hitler was as they say, 'Off his rocker'. Peace was not far off. Hitler fled Germany in April of '45 und on August 6th und 9th of that year, peace finally showed itself.

I my studies at Dinty Moore University, I became fascinated with Einstein's Tensor Equation. I studied it day und night trying to find an answer within its words and physics. While working at Base-211 in Antarctica in 1964, I discovered Caesium-137 or Cs-137. A key element in my device.

My device for World Peace is the Gravitational Singularity Bomb. Something I have been working on for years and have now created. The Gravitational Singularity Bomb contains a small version of a sub-atomic particle accelerator made of titanium which moves at a clockwise motion which moves the Cs-137 in a clockwise motion. The dark matter also contained within the accelerator moves in a counter-clockwise motion. The frame of the accelerator moves the entire thing in a gyroscopic motion thus changing the polarity of both dark matter and Cs-137. When all three are combined, happiness und perfection shall prevail.

Marxism and Greece

To: United Press
Attn: Editor in Chief

April 17th,1937

Grease is not the word. Nor will it evermore be the word. The fabric of time and space has nothing is store for you so just shove off into a black hole or something. Now with that all said und done, I shall hand you off to Turkey. There the Turks will treat you barbarically. A pie in the at the top and half of every hour until forced to surrrrrender your secrets of the Shanghai Wild Animal Park Scandal of 1936. It was only a little black rain cloud.

The Freedonian Dishwashers Union Army has been issued new orders from President Firefly***stop***Trial of Chicolini to begin at 8AM***stop***Sylvanian Ambassador Trentino holds troops on high alert at Freedonian Border***stop***Man who washed his feet in Lemonade stand still at large***stop***Mirror in the Teasdale estate still broken***stop***

The Osterlich border could possibly see a Bacterium invasion at any moment. Duce Napaloni of Bacteria has held his troops and flying dreadnoughts on Osterlich border. Adnoid Hynkel of Tomainia is furious with Napaloni's move will give speak this morning before the Osterlich people.

In Moronica, Moe Hailstone delivered a speech before the masses. Field Marshall Gallstone and Minister of Propaganda Pebble was also in attendance. Applause, cheers, and hisses were given during the speech. A gang of protesters stormed Hailstone Palace. Hailstone, Gallstone, and Pebble were lasted spotted running into a cave.

April 17th, 1937

Sincerely, Walter Leland Wilcox

Through The Apple Sauce of Infinite Dimensions.

I'm just a Gigolo and everywhere I go, People know the farts I layin'. A magnetic band can be produced using the correct equation (K.E. = 1/2(M*V^2)) with the correct amount of amps. According to Kirchoff's theory of Magnetism using a closed magnetic loop equation with the result of (K.E. = 1/2(M*V^2)), then and only then will Gouda Cheese light up.

Like a dirt farmer dangling a carrot in front of a horse.

Post-eth the second. Some things have been bothering me for a while. My next door neighbor never says hello or acknowledges me or any of his surrounding neighbors. I think he's-a cookin'up a-some Meth.

History is Written by the Winners

Dear Mr. Dulles,
The Authoritative Denial of Truth. Is that what you have come to? Hmm? You did have power and you took it too far. You screwed up by ordering an invasion that was terribly executed. You and G.H.W. thought Mr. K. was a bit of a softy. So what did you do... you offed him. For what? Trying to fix the world. End all the tension and anger before what did happen could have happened? You are despicable in my eyes. To think that you would hire a man like E.H.Hunt to do what you wanted. Let us remember that Hunt was the lead Goon of Watergate. Was Tricky Dick in on it too? Remember back in mid '47, Ruby worked for Tricky D. when he was a Congressman. Nobody really forgets a thing like that. Most people just look past it. But I didn't. Lee was just blind-sided in the whole thing. He felt anger and loathsome thoughts about this place but he didn't do it...at least alone.

Another thing that popped into my head that might peak your interest. Did you know that Hoover had been keeping an eye on the Union Banking Corporation. As I am sure you know that the Union Banking Corporation was seized in October 1942 under the Trading with the Enemy Act as being owned by "enemy aliens." (cough) Nazi's. Prescott and Harriman were co-directors of Union Banking and both were on a first name basis with you. You worked closely with Nazi bankers and heiled Hitler on two known separate occasions. Also you were the Grand Architect of the BoP in '61... Mr. K. fired you. You being a bit pissed put a hit out on him. Your buddy Harriman mentions that he has an old employee/friend who owes him a couple favors. He introduces you to Hunt. You and Hunt already know each other from the BoP. You see this young man making his way up in the ranks and thanks to and his Daddy being old chums since the 30's you thought what the Hell. 'Might as well get him in on the action?' Enter G.H.W. A young man with a face like a raisin. He has cloak and dagger written all over him. With family down in and from the area, he knew where a good spot would be to rig a goooood hit.

The proper changes were made to the route by G.H.W., Hunt had his men Anti-Cigar and BoP vets hand picked for the job. Hunt made sure that they were in place and had there watches synced to the Hertz sign. 12:29:18PM 66F, the limoe makes a broad turn onto Houston Street off of Main. 12:29:40 66F NO BREEZE. The lead motorcycle countinues straight on Houston while the limo slows almost to a dead stop slowly makes the turn onto Elm. Fifteen seconds later, history is made. Thank you Mr. Dulles for fucking up History.